755 || Reflecting on YOU 2 - Transcripts

March 19, 2023

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The most important part of the show I think is so chronically overlooked in the breakdowns I have read is that we are constantly hearing about Joe’s crimes through Joe’s perspective. He stalks because he “cares” he kills because he “loves” he lies because he “protects” and the audience is now only attuned to the perpetrators perspective of the crime. If they made this part more clear, maybe we would know to not be so understanding or empathetic with his violence. It’s muddled because we’re stuck watching a violent act, from the violent actor. 

Violence is never love. Regardless of the root of your intention, if your effect is HARM in any way, physically, socially, psychologically, that isn’t love. Period, point blank, end of story. Violent acts rooted in love are not loving acts.  

RESOURCES: https://medium.com/@catrinframe/you-season-2-is-joe-goldberg-capable-of-love-netflix-series-9a600300114f

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Welcome to the Make Your Damn Bed podcast, a low key real talk daily motivation podcast to play while you make your bed every morning to help you incorporate healthy routines, build a momentum and better your life.

Good morning, sunshine. Welcome to another day of the Make Your Damn Bed podcast. Today is part two of my breakdown about the show you on Netflix. So there will be some mention of abuse as well as violence against women. Please listen with care. I will admit, I tried to get all of this ranting down to one episode, but I just couldn't and I'm sorry for that, but because there are so many breakdowns online, I'm not going to do some deep dive into all of his diagnoses, though I might roach a few. I really wanted to talk about the fact that there were so many from a fan's perspective justifying Joe's behavior and I found myself doing the same. And if you're just catching up here, Joe is a bad guy. Objectively speaking, he's a terrible person, but I actually think that's a major point of the show. Joe's character is a master gaslighter, which means as viewers, we are meant to buy into his side, despite being objectively so fucking bad. We too become victims of Joe's manipulation, mostly by giving him the air time to justify any of its rationality. It is fair to be good people and empathize with Joe Goldberg's desire to feel loved and heard and understood, but it is not fair to allow those empathetic feelings to cloud the reality of what is happening.

Joe, as an individual, is desperate to see himself as a good person, and he justifies stalking and kidnapping, brutality, murder, manipulation, and more, as a means to a supposedly justifiable and very romantic end. But in reality, Joe is barely holding on to this false sensation that he is a hero, and we, the viewers, are hearing this story from his broken ass perspective, and yes, he is a self-proclaimed romantic. There is no arguing that, so when he makes the demand of us to agree with him that love is protection at all costs, including murder and harming others, the most empathetic of us can let ourselves fall for it, but remember, they are his monologues. I think this is one of the most important parts of the show that is chronically overlooked in the breakdowns that I've read. The fact is, we are constantly hearing about Joe's crimes through Joe's perspective, he stalks because he quote unquote cares, he kills because he quote unquote loves, he lies because he quote unquote protects, and the audience is now only attuned to the perpetrator's perspective of the crimes being perpetrated. And maybe if it were more clear, we might not be so understanding or empathetic with his violence, but that naturally becomes muddled because we are watching the violent act from the violent actor who refuses to recognize his own violence. And I think that's why I hung on to this show for so long, despite being way too brutal for my normal liking, just the psychology of it, my emotions, and my feelings of confusion over the conflicting versions of reality were being fed, feel like a powerful analogy for politics today and other things that I feel like we're constantly dealing with by offering a more empathetic growth pattern or giving us a more complicated villain to contrast with Joe's actions, we seek the light in his darkness, and we empathize with his logic, despite proving to us over and over again, that he is incapable of healthy connection and love. Violence is never love, regardless of the root of your intentions, if your effect is harm in any way, physically, socially, psychologically, that cannot and should not represent love, whether accidental or not healthy community communication is required to reduce the harm because the intention itself is not enough. Violent acts that are rooted in love are not loving acts. Of course, we can dig deeper into the more insidious reality of this show if we want, but I won't. Okay, a little bit, because it does perpetuate and glamorize violence against women and by giving Joe a handsome, straight, cis white man, a platform so large that makes him not only relatable through his past trauma and internal justifications, but we see the use of violence get muddled with romance, almost become justifiable. And if violence against women wasn't such a fucking problem, maybe this type of content wouldn't be so bad, but so fucking often we are made to sympathize with violent men through way of recent stress or a breakup or a public rejection or some sort of past trauma or abuse that caused this type of rebellion.

And regardless of a cause, it is not a justification. So instead of holding people accountable for the damage they cause, we often perform mental gymnastics to perpetuate this type of violence, not only in real life, but in the mainstream. I think that's why I feel so passionately about this subject and felt the need to dissect something so heavy over two days. But considering this is a daily show and I could talk about this forever, not the show, but you get it. The point I'm trying to make is there is typically a bright side and a darker side to almost everything. And depending on our perspective, we are almost predisposed to take one of those sides more instinctively. I'm encouraging all of us to be a little more critical when we are analyzing shit that doesn't sit right with us. Go ahead, call it out in real time. Even if it means putting off a bunch of listeners who are like, why are you talking about this heavy shit on a morning podcast, Julie? It's because I had quotes like this under my belt. There is an old Playboy article where Helen Donahue is quoted as saying, Unfortunately, popular culture has conditioned women since childhood into believing if we put enough emotional labor into men, we'll be rewarded when suddenly by the end of the movie, our quintessential bad boy who initially either stalked us, acted aggressively, rejected our rejections entirely, or all of the above, transforms into a man worth loving and treats us like the princesses we are. And this was in reference to the Ted Bundy fandom, but I feel like it still applies today.

Next time you hear a story about a monster doing monstrous acts, make sure you're not only listening to the monster's narration of the story. And that does it for our you series. Look at us. I love y'all. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day and I'll talk to you tomorrow while you make your damn bed. Thank you so much for listening to another episode of the make your damn bed podcast. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss a day. You can also follow us on Instagram for quotes and content directly from each episode at M Y D B podcast, or subscribe to the newsletter on www.makeyourdambedpodcast.com. If you can rate and review us on Apple podcast, or just share this with someone you think might get a kick out of it, it can and has made all the difference. So thank you. I've been your host Julie America, and I hope you have a wonderful day.

I'll talk to you tomorrow while you make your damn bed.