It's Time to Stop Caring About Other People's Opinions | The Team Dream Experience w/ Anthony Sartor - Transcripts

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And I think that's, for you, I don't think it was one piece of content. I think it was finally just like, for me it's like, fucking, you know, it's been long enough and I actually know if I have to say it was one thing, it's, you know, when I ask myself, when you're 80, when you're 90, are you going to wish you did it or not, right?

Actually you know if I have to say it- And are you gonna, whether it's your mom, your dad, your brother, a former relationship, your best friend, or or just anybody, Do you think at 80 or 90, you're gonna be happy that you didn't do something because of their opinion,

versus not doing something that was in your stomach. And you know, like right now, sorry, I'm not trying to say.

Go ahead, go ahead.

This is what's good about having time. Yeah, speaking of that, I was surprised, I even got, like I was telling Sid about this, you know, he's like, why'd you get this one? I was like, honestly, there's a couple reasons, you know, I wanted to help behind the scenes, the brand stuff, but it was a good deal. I agree. It wasn't cheap, but I said, I can't remember exact price, but like 90 minutes plus the five days, I was surprised it even got so low. I wasn't planning to get this one. I get it.

You know? I agree. Like it wasn't cheap. I get it. You know? I agree. Like, I'm very comfortable with, not to mention the V content, like I'm really excited about this project long term, and like there was some really interesting arbitrage. A lot of times I build things for younger me. I almost think a lot of times Gary V is the person I wish existed for me when I was in junior high, high school. It would have really helped me. Like I had a lot of things that took longer than they could have had I grew up in this era and had a resource like this. And then like this, for example, oh my God, if this existed when I first started Vayner, and I could have had a five day thing and gotten access to whomever she or he was that I admired is doing something similar,

that would have been a tremendous return on my mommy. Yeah, for sure. But yeah, going back to what I was saying. So, you know, I'm doing work three. I don't know exactly, you know, I do see me with, you know, coming out with a service or a product one day, but I don't know which direction, you know, DeFi, gaming, stuff like that. But I figured this would be a way just to expose myself to all of it, right? You know, I just, actually, the podcast today will be my second episode. Only for first guests. I just did the intro episode last week. You know, just letting, you know, let people know what other things are. That was awesome. So, you know, it's a big, it's a big shift for me, but it's, it's something like, yeah, when I'm eating or night, I'll look back and think about how I wanted to be able to say I tried it.

Yeah, that's only for first guests

that I just did that. That's awesome, yeah. Yeah, that's exactly right. You can't, you don't know that your favorite food is a baked potato until you actually eat it. And people eliminate oysters and caviar and foie gras and all these uni and all these foods that I love that the amount of people that have told me at dinner, because I order oysters a lot, I'm like, would you like some? And they're like, no, I don't like oysters. And I'm like, have you ever had one?

I would say three out of four had never had it. I was just gonna say I didn't like oysters

but I never did. Yeah, and there's a lot of good oysters from Canada by the way. You know, it's really real, it's the thought of, I understand, I've had some pretty weird conversations of why people don't like oysters, they're like the consistency, the look, it all makes sense, but it all goes down to the same thing which is like, are you fearful to try something or are you fearless? You know, I just really admire lack of fear. I was watching some kids play basketball yesterday and there was one kid, two teams were a big mismatch, but this one kid just wasn't scared and I admire that. I really, it's funny that I caught my attention while I was watching something. It's just awesome. I'm pumped that you're at such a young age

that you're starting to really chip away at it. Yeah, you know, I can look back and say like, oh, no, because I've wanted to do this for like 20, now the last six years were, you know, but I was nursing, I used to be a nurse and stuff like that and I'm working on other projects and stuff for other people but I said, you know, I could look back and say, like, I'm a waste of time

or I'd say for all of this time they do it, right? That's so, that's such a little piece of time. I mean, when you're 28, six years is a ton. It's fucking, you know, it's a ton, over 20% so it feels like a ton, just like, I tell a lot of people like, so obviously you know this because you know my content. I talk so much about patience You know, everyone loves to make fun of me. My favorite comments by far on social media is like, Gary Vee rolls up on a 90 year old and says, how old are you? They say 90, and he says, you got, and I laugh, but like, you know, it's funny, I get it. When you're 12, a year seems like an eternity. You're like, next year, right? When you're 47, years are flying, you know, and it's just how the human brain works. So of course when you're 28, six years, like, whoa, 20% of your fucking, like, you know, like you felt it, but it's nothing, it's nothing. And like, it's great, especially when, you know, a lot of people don't get to this place until 40, 50, 60, to be, it's why I'm so passionate about making the content I make.

Like, I'm curious, you know, of course, right? I'm curious, you know, of course, right. Of course, you know, the relationship with, with you, hopefully, you know, we also, I don't know if you know

in the garage sale, so... Yes, I'm looking forward to that. That's gonna just a real, like, yeah, it's almost, to your point, like, you can't spend that much, as long as I'm not a piece of shit, you can't spend that much time with a human and not have something, you know? No, that was my plan.

That was my plan. But no, and then, like, just, you know, little connections, like, that's something I've been terrible at, you know, you talk about fear, like I've really just found my comfort zone the last five, six years and just not really explored out a bit. That means I haven't been networking and stuff like that. Kind of just been like a hermit. Yeah, right.

But on all, well first of all, COVID was a big chunk. So that added to the convenience of being a hermit. Yeah, that was like two, three, two and a half years. But like, I think about that a lot. Like all of us, even, you know, I am the most extroverted, most network, like most rely on other humans for my energy. And like, I'm like out of practice a little bit. Like, I'm like, I don't want to be out from eight to midnight doing like things like I'm like, like it's, you have to like almost restart in some ways, but no, it's good. Friendships, you know, like intimate relationships, dating, business network. All humans get so much value out of other humans. I think a lot about forced that was like forced perspective. Like this is why I'm actually really trying to get like, like it shouldn't take a traumatic experience to have, you know, we do so many things for our bodies. Thank God.

I'd be 215, like it'd be a mess. Well, I think you started, you know, I'm trying to think back all the content, but you started taking your health more seriously in your thirties, right?

Yeah, late thirties, 38 and a half. I always laugh cause I was, it was on a plane where I was like just thinking and I was like, you know, things are going well. Like life's going to be good. Like this is the vulnerability. Like I could die from a heart attack at 63. You know, I was like, I'm not, I know that I'm not doing the right things. And here I am running around the world telling people like, you're doing this wrong in business. And I'm like, well, you want like, you know, you want your business to be a million dollars after 19 days. That's why you're failing. Same with me. Like I didn't, I was too logical to know that 19 days in the gym would fix it. I just didn't want to put in the work.

and things are happening every day. Yeah. I saw something on Twitter. It hit me really hard last week or the week before that some guy basically like, I'm signing off, you know, like, I guess he was battling with something terminal and then no one knew about it. I didn't even follow the guy. I don't know who he was. So I'm signing off, it's been a great, you know, loving everyone, you know, and it's like, I only have a few days left or something like that.

And I need to spend it with my family. It's just like, and it bothers me, it's one of those things that like, I think a lot about like, fear. Like, you were scared to kiss a girl or a guy. You were scared to ride a bike. I was petrified of swimming. I didn't start swimming until I was nine, only because my sister started swimming at six, and I heard like, my mom be like, she's swimming. And I like, was playing knock hockey at the pool club and literally ran and jumped in the pool and tried to make pretend I was swimming at the same time as my sister. Like, thank God for my competitive juices, but like, I think people fear a lot of things that are mundane in real life, and then like, they just seem so simple. Like, ever being scared to ride a bike or kiss someone or have sex or, you know, swim or ride a bike, like, they become so standard. And I think a lot about that lately, first time, last five years of the reverse, which is like, you can only start being appreciative or grateful when something bad happens, and we have to find a way to change that. I think I'm so happy, because that's not what's happening for me. I actually wake up on a gloomy Monday like this and being like, boom, another fucking day that nothing atrocious happened.

Tough to do a podcast and you're scared of it. Yeah, and that's for me, like, this talk I look back. I think I've heard you speak about this too, you know, during like teenage years and girls and stuff. Yeah. I look back now, like,

I'm like, why was I scared, I don't think this is stuff.

Yeah, like why didn't I ask Mary out? Yeah, and if I look back in 25, 30 years, I'll be like, why didn't I start the podcast?

That's gonna be the same thing. That's why I focus so much on 20, 30 year olds, and even 40 year olds, I would say, because they have, you know, 13 year olds, because of TikTok, I have a very young crew, they don't have context. But what you just said is everything to me. Like, think about the people that didn't go to the college that they wanted to, didn't ask out the person that they want, I mean, I literally have active knowledge of friends who still are depressed, they didn't ask somebody out 25 years ago, like it just bothers them. And like I'm like, cool, no time machines, you're actively doing that right now with this. You've been saying that you wanna move out of New Jersey your whole life, the fuck are you doing in New Jersey? I love Jersey, by the way, don't clip that inappropriately. But like, like I don't wanna hear from friends who are like, I wanna move to a warmer weather place, I wanna move to a warmer weather place, want to move to a warmer, and then equally they're spending all their time saying, I wish in high school, I'm like, you're doing it, like, cool. You're not going back to high school and being able to do that, but right now, you've been saying for four years that you're gonna move to a warmer weather place, not asking out Mary is the same thing as not moving to fucking Florida or Texas or Arizona or fucking is on your mind. It's a big deal, and that is why, because they do know. You can recall just, you're 28, you can recall 12 years ago, like a piece of cake, and be like, fuck, I wish I,

because people don't want rejection.

Yeah, it was the fear, right? Made fun of, or like, looking bad in front of your boys, and like, ha ha, like, it's funny, I have a friend who's got an eighth grader who asked a girl out, and it kind of went, it botched, but not bad. As a matter of fact, I think they just went on a date, so I'm super pumped for him. And all his boys made fun of him, and he just looked at him all and said, like, at least I had the boss ask someone out, and I was like, that's it. Nate, who now runs my foundation, he was my partner in Empathy Wines. We played tennis a bunch a couple summers ago, and I beat him in all six, seven matches, we only played one set. And in two of those matches, he was up five to two, and I came all the way back and won seven, five. And for the next two years, I would razzle, we would have so many meetings, he was my chief of staff, so we would have all these meetings, and there'd be no segue for me to bring it up, but I just wanted to bring it up. And finally, and you know, I'm his guy, I get why he wouldn't say anything, and I finally grabbed him, I was like, hey, the next time I say this, I want you to look at me and say, what's your handicap, because he's a scratch golfer. Scratch! And it was funny, between me telling you that story and telling you about my friend's son, that's how I think about eliminating the lack of the fear of the judgment of your rejection. Most people are actually not scared of the girl saying no.

I'm just trying to be, like, harder, more. That's, yeah, because I know I'm self-aware enough to know about myself. That's all I need, it's just a big kick in the ass.

And, and, and, if you actually realize, the big, I'll tell you how you're about to go fast, if you don't beat yourself up for the last 20, somebody who's self-aware, what they'll do is be like, it's almost like, cool, you've now acknowledged that? Never think or talk about it again. Like, don't spend any energy on it. Just be awake, just, yeah. Yeah, because a lot of people are like, like, I love watching people make progress, who struggle to make progress in whatever we're talking about, then decide when they've got a little taste of things are going well, how quickly they'll let the old behavior seat back in. Oh, I'm looking at you for a reason. That's exactly what I see in you in such a fun way. Like, I'm almost like, you know, knowing you're in a room, I'm almost saying this for you. Like, I see it. And it's cool because it means you're halfway home. You did the new thing, which established this better energy. That's like foreign to begin with.

But it takes like a few minutes to go into that full place. Like I said, last week, first time, like, you know, I'm posting a video, like putting my face outside. It's huge.

It's something small for so many, but for me, it's huge. Brother, you wanna hear something insane? It's not. Brother, you wanna hear something funny? The smaller group is the ones that are putting their face. The silent majority that's not posting their face is much bigger than people like me. That's where I got it. Notice how that combo just went. Hey, it seems like a small, I know it's small for so many people, but I put my face on it. No, no, no, no, no.

Most people don't put their face on it. Kinda like the iceberg, you know?

So it's all that. That's exactly what it is. Because you can't see, it's back to how I talk about happiness. Everyone's like, the world sucks. I'm like, no, no, no, no. The negative people are just loud right now. Until positive people get louder, you won't understand the complex. You won't understand the context. You won't understand the math. I can't be such an enigma. I need more people that are positive to get loud like I do. Which is like, what about this good thing?

What about this opportunity? I definitely understand all the, unfortunately, the negativity and the media are anywhere. It's amplifying so much.

Spreads so much faster and louder, but... But there's also so much more volume of it. Like, I'm pretty viral. Like, there's plenty of room for people that sell love for virality. Like, there's a real path to it, you know? Just gotta be louder, more people. And it's like those people are iconic and I'm not even like in that conversation, but there's millions of me out there. They just haven't, they're so selfish in their happiness. My biggest problem is negativity wants to be viral. People want to drag people down to their unhappiness. I believe when I analyze, when I talk to myself about like, what are you doing? What I'm interested in is my generosity of the positivity.

have to take on that challenge. Yeah, I thought a bit like that. It's almost like you're doing like a noble, the reason I'm identified is because I could see myself a little bit like that, I can see like I'm kind of like one of those people.

I like that. Well, it's probably what attracted you to me, right?

Like, you would see it. Like, you could see it.

It's why you're pushing yourself. It's why you're pushing yourself. It's cool. If that's your engine, then you're really gonna have a good time at this. Like for me, I think a lot of people do what I do for a living for the money and the fame. For me, it's for the satisfaction that I didn't live life selfishly. There's great joy for me. I really enjoy it. I've had to find my own balance in that because for me as someone who loves to give, what I do is when I don't communicate with the people I'm giving love to, well, it leads to resentment. I've had to be on a reverse journey of most people. But it's a big opportunity. It's a really noble mission.

you'll do it to the end. Yeah, again, just going back to, you know, thinking of 80, 90, that's what I've been thinking about lately is like, you know, what do I, that seems to be something to kind of kick me into gear is like, well, that, you're gonna die. So when you do that, do you want to be able to look back and say like, what did you leave like the world with? Right? What was your lasting impression? Did you just do nothing or a hermit? Or were you negative?

Or did you leave with, you know, with a bunch of positive? Right, positive, neutral, or negative.

Yeah. Yeah.

Right now I'm neutral, you know. But you're not because you've already started

the positive journey, which is huge, huge. And, you know, I was talking to Dustin earlier, like, it's once, you know, like a trip, once I get going,

like I can feel it, like.

The momentum. The game plan, the strategy. I mean, the act, the individual creatives. Yeah. Those always need tweaking, but the strategy, you know, I just tell people, just follow what you say. It's just so simple. Just the volume, volume, volume is gonna dominate, right?

I do obsess a little bit over quality, but you say. I do too. But I think quality is subjective. Yeah. Quality is subjective. What Dustin thinks is a quality BMX video is not something I even want to consider watching, let alone beginning to judge if it is. If you're not interested in buying things at garage sales and selling them on eBay, trash talk is very low quality. Meanwhile, thousands of people have emailed me that it's the thing that got them to get clearing debt or creating a nice family vacation. That is massive value. The two themes of trash talk are I clear debt. Oh my God, I can't believe it by buying T-shirts and trinkets and mugs at garage sales. Or my family had a nicer vacation this year.

and your whole algo will change. It's the fact when you keep dwelling on that no, no, just like keep consuming everybody.

Of course it's just gonna keep people. Worse like if you're gonna rub her neck to car crashes, you're gonna be upset. If that's all you do. I think there's a profound... Like this goes back to self accountability. When I was going up, it was all bashing TV. Kids are watching too much TV. Kids are watching too much TV. Kids are watching too much TV. It's just it's the way the world turns. Yeah it's been really interesting changing my algo.

It's been good, very efficient. I always watch, it's all you post is something too, but sometimes, I thought it was funny, sometimes you really try to mess it up,

you'll search like pickles or stuff like that. Yeah, just to like learn. Like, it's kind of like, I think social media is like a wild horse. You know, either you're gonna figure out how to tame it and work for you, or it's gonna run wild to like be a bull in a china shop. Like, it's bull fighting. Either you can tame it, or you are gonna get pierced by it. And I think that's on the person, because every person can delete the app. I hate this thing, delete. Yeah, that's good in a second. It's really interesting but definitely for learning, I'm really actually, like, feel like I'm more on top of shit right now, because of the way my feed is going, in terms of. I'm just seeing a lot of, like, I'm by nature, I'm like a very good entrepreneur, but like I'm not a macro or microeconomist. Right, right.

I'm taking, I'm like being in school but it's on my phone.

No I know, it's. People are judging the medium instead of what you're doing inside of it.

You know, I started, I was really like my, you know, if you want to look at, judge a page by success on views, you know, on TikTok of course I was really going well. There was like some crypto stuff I was covering like you know kind of educated people about what's going on, broke my leg, kind of fell, you know, the pain only lasted so long. And I fell out of like you know. You got out of rhythm. Fear came back in and stuff like that.

Why does, you got out of rhythm. Why does, break down the fear for me

for five seconds for fun.

I think it's just, just. What people think? Yeah. And was that a cultural thing? Was that a family thing? Like I think for example, I'll give you an example. I'm incredibly private. People are confused by that when I say it but like I don't share my personal life. I never have. But I think that's a family history thing because my family grew up in the Soviet Union and the only way you survived in the Soviet Union was by privacy. Everyone was scared. If somebody tattletailed on you and the government would put you in jail or worse.

So you're saying that those, that mindset you developed there, that was more from how you were raised instead of, I always thought that was just, you were sheltering your family. Like your personal stuff from the public.

Or maybe a bit of both there. I think it was naturally in me to be private. And then I think I quickly understood that I had it. Like I remember vividly being a year into Wine Library TV and being like, oh, like a lot of people may know who I am one day. Like knowing that there was more. And so I feel like I consciously knew that it would be a good thing to protect that. But that was the number two thing. The number one thing was my whole life I've been private. It's my natural state. I don't want to, you know it's very funny, it's very empathetic by the way. One of the reasons I'm private is that I don't want other people to have to worry about me. My biggest weakness up to this point in my life is the inability to be vulnerable.

The thought that anything lasts a day is profound. I was listening to a podcast with you and Steven Bartlett. Yes. About the, you know, how long. He said it's very, very rare for it

to make it to the next morning, so. Yeah, it's very, I mean, no business stuff is ever, the things that go are like, the people you care about and things of that nature, but even those by standards of knowing people. So that's another reason why I struggle with going there. It's like, eh, there's really not, you know, really, my mom is really the person that I'm wired like, but it's your mom. Anything I'm worried about is, she's gonna worry about it 10 times more, so that's, like, not, this is why therapy is so profoundly important for people, like you know, it's just, it's an outlet. And like a lot of people use their friends, but then they're dragging their friends down. You know, like if you're inherently, like if you're inherently struggling, you need to get that poison out. But you know, people get it, right? Like if they're doing that with their best friend, they'll watch the relationship with their best friend deteriorate based on that. Because no human, no matter how fucking empathetic they are, is really gonna be drawn to rain and frowns 24, right? And then I think a lot about the cost of therapy. So that's been a huge one for me lately.

I'm very interested in it.

Just kind of taking a pause in this. Well, just like it seemed like, again, when you get F's in science and you haven't done the homework like I haven't, I'm intrigued by all the headlines and the conversation in popular culture about the values of breathing and like seemingly without any education on this, I feel intuitive that it's right because I'm on the receiving end of it. I just think a lot of people just, there's just a little, like again, it's how my brain works. It's how trash talk started. Hey, you should invest in companies like I did. Cool, who's got $25,000 to fucking throw it? Like, you know, like I was risk tolerant to do that. It's not like I even had that much, because at the time I had so little money, but I was just like, okay, with like that risk, most people aren't. So it led to like, okay, fine, I'll teach you how to buy things for a dollar and sell for 13. And same with this, like I really want people to start doing more therapy. Oh shit, a lot of people who listen can't for a million different reasons, financially, taboo in their fam, like they can't get through the taboo. Okay, well maybe breathing is it.

that's how I like to create ideas. In terms of technology, people say, oh, technology's bad. I'm just really optimistic on technology.

Like not just, obviously we have three and stuff. But you're talking about like artificial intelligence

and all that. Yeah, that's a good one.

Right, everyone's like, this is gonna ruin everything. I'm like, that's what you said about tractors. That's what you said about the TV. It's the ability to improve everyone's lives so much. You can focus, the amount of humans that are gonna be able to focus on something more productive, not to mention what nobody's talking about, like with chat GPT, right? This is so bad. I'm like, it's teaching critical thinking. You have to still tell the machine. It's like search engines. Like when I first started using search engines, I was bad at it. I was like, it was like, yeah, it's like, right. It was like wine.

Like it becomes critical thinking. It was like, yeah, it's like, right.

It was like, for me, as someone who's creative and likes to see different angles,

it's gonna be profound. Yeah, creative especially. So even myself, you know, I was talking about content and de-editor, like I can do simple editing but I don't mind doing it but I don't like, in the moment, I don't like editing because I'm thinking like, oh, I could be spending this time doing, you know, coming up with content or something, right. I was telling a few tools out there. Obviously, people have heard like chat G� and Dolly is some of these images. But I think it's gonna be really cool. I think video, I'm really big on it. I think video is like the most liked medium

for content content. The big concern I have is with deep fake, I believe that video proof has been the judge and jury of our society for the last 70 years. And yeah, I'm really worried about that. Could you imagine the bad guys being able to be like,

that video's not true? I saw one and like it took me, I think it was like Elon something. It took me like a few seconds, it took me like probably 10 seconds at least to like, and I only could tell it wasn't really because the face and the voice weren't lining up. It was just like what he was saying, I was like, no, no, no, it didn't make sense.

But it's good, it's scary good. It's something. Oh no, I fully believe that in 46 months, there'll be unlimited videos of me saying things that I'd never said.

Unlimited.

What's your, to your point of video testimonials. I would argue that it is the most challenging debate I have in my mind that almost everything up until this point in my life, I've had like shocking clarity and on like the whatever, and it became true that this one is hard for me,

that I think there has to be a counter technology. Yeah, I'm trying to think like a badge, like something like, you know, you have like,

obviously I'm trying to simplify it, but it may, excuse me, it may lead to a shocking amount of live video. I've been thinking a lot about like, what if this goes so awry that nobody believes it? Am I gonna be like live all the time, be like, like proving that I'm live and like, you know,

it's wild. But overall, like optimistic on technology

and then it's ability to improve our lives. I think, I mean, that's, that's just been proven, like, you don't want penicillin, you don't want x-ray machines, you don't want like,

just like the conversation's so cliche human fear. And the best is when I see older generations, my grandparents, my grandparents had an iPad before I even got one. Interesting. And it's, you know, not that in particular, but you know, you hear some of the whole generations, know, technologies, but I didn't have this one,

when I was growing up, we were all better for it, but.

Interesting. The amount of times I see people on their phones, just like older generation playing a game or on Facebook or something, and it's, you can tell, they're choosing to spend their time on that. It's obviously giving them value.

It's improving their life. Yeah, I mean, do you know how many people, do you know how many 80, nine year olds are lonely in retirement homes that have gotten tremendous value of using the internet and social media? Do you know how many families would go and visit their great-grandparent in the home once a year, and now they're able to keep up with them through FaceTime and social and texting? I mean, these are profound technologies.

Profound. Thank you so much for listening to that entire episode. We want to remind you to give Gary feedback, so make sure you tweet him at GaryVee, but if you're listening on Spotify, you can drop your comments, questions, and anything in between in the Spotify Q&A section down below. See you in the next episode.